Going for the Nazi Vote

So far, this election year hasn't given us much opportunity for humor. Hillary Clinton calls Barack Obama a snooty elitist maybe-Muslim, Barack Obama calls Hillary Clinton a gunslinging Annie-Oakley type, and John McCain bumbles from one senior moment to another.

Well, we now have the official Wacko Candidate for 2008, and his name is Tony Zirkle.

Zirkle is an Indiana lawyer running for Congress on a platform of everything from bringing back the guillotine to shredding old copies of girlie magazines. But on Sunday he took a break from his campaign calendar to attend a birthday party and give a stump speech.


Yes, that is a real picture of Adolf Hitler hanging on the wall, and yes, those are real swastika armbands everyone's wearing. The event was the National Socialist Workers Party's annual celebration of der Führer's birthday, and Zirkle was the main speaker.

To quote the great Dave Barry, I am not making this up. This is totally 100% real.

Anyway, you'd think a Republican Congressional candidate attending a Nazi gathering might not be the smartest idea, and you'd be right. The local GOP has run for cover, loudly denouncing Zirkle. "The 'R' next to Tony Zirkle's name does not stand for Republican. It stands for 'repulsive,'" said county party chairman Chris Riley.

The Nazis were, of course, thrilled to get this stamp of approval, saying that "Zirkle spoke on his history as a state's attorney in Indiana, prosecuting Jewish and Zionist criminal gangs involved in trafficking prostitutes and pornography from Russia and the Zionist entity.''

For his part, Zirkle insists he was simply "misunderstood," did nothing wrong, and spoke to the Nazis only of his crusade against porn. The fact that he repeatedly lambasted Jews as supposedly originating the porn industry and now allegedly controlling it is a mere coincidence.

On the bright side, he guaranteed that the Nazi vote will be solidly Republican this year.